Sex Talk: What will be your turning point?

Some people throw in the towel too soon, when it comes to matters of marriage and the sex therein; they never get to discover the different layers to both, which only the patient ones often find.

After witnessing a couple of marriages bounce back from the brink of divorce to ‘best union ever’, I am now a firm believer in miracles and second chances. In these cases, I asked the couples what turned the tide.

ERICA (NOT REAL NAME), MARRIED 24 YEARS

“My turning point was, surprisingly, Covid-19! During the first lockdown, we were stuck alone in our empty nest, and that forced us to face our demons and talk about things we had long-swept under the rugs.

Ours was a marriage regularly on the rocks that at one point, shortly before the pandemic and lockdown, I was talking to a lawyer about how to secure a divorce. I loved my husband, but I was ready to let it all go, if that was what would ensure our happiness.

But before the lawyer could start the process, a lockdown was slapped in place and that was the first mending from God we received. Our sex life became better, we were affectionate and playful again, I was not complaining about being locked away from the rest of the world.”

“But when that 2020 lockdown was partially lifted, it was like the world flowed back in and brought back its chaos and destruction. We were on the rocks again. But in 2021, during that horrible Covid-19 wave that killed so many people, I contracted the virus and almost died.

When I emerged from hospital, it was to a new, loving and virile husband. In fact, I can confidently say that in all our 24 years of marriage, we have never been this happy and satisfied with every aspect of our union. To God be the glory!”

BECKY (NOT REAL NAME), MARRIED 30 YEARS

“My turning point was my wardrobe. After having all my children, I slid into that comfortable mode of wearing what I wanted, especially when it came to underwear. As a good Christian, I felt if a panty covered my entire backside all the way to the waist, then I was modest and good to go. And they all had to be white.

Then I sat through a women’s meeting at church and the pastor’s wife, among other things, challenged us to throw away our ‘mothers union’ knickers and buy sexy underwear. I replaced most of my underwear with thongs and bikinis in sexy colours. I had never seen my husband so excited to see me in all my glory!”

“I now reserve those funny big panties for my own comfort and work, but when I know my husband will be seeing me intimately, I dress carefully and naughtily. I didn’t know that there were still more tricks in the sex bag after all these years in marriage, but I was pleasantly surprised!”

BOB (NOT REAL NAME), MARRIED 12 YEARS

“I just changed the way I perceived the institution of marriage. See, both of us were really young and I thought I could marry and somehow stay single. Every night was party night.

Every weekend was time with my boys. The drinking became heavier and I did not even notice that my wife was lonely and withdrawing into herself, until one day I came home from a weekend away and she had packed with the children and left.”

“That was the first time I recognised how much time I spent away from my family. In the mediating talks to fix our marriage, my wife spilt all for the mediators to make a judgment, and I was found at fault.

I deliberately started changing my habits when she agreed to come home, and I have grown up and grown happier from that decision. I married a smart woman; I now enjoy hanging out with her, making love to her and talking to her.”

What about you? Are you close to throwing in the towel? Well, I thought you would want to know that it can be turned around for your good, still.

carol@observer.ug