Sex Talk: Who said Christmas can’t come to the bedroom?

Have you ever considered the fact that your being obsessed with impressing others and what they think about you, could be what is killing your marriage and sex life?

You pay little to no attention to the parts of you and your life that are truly sacred; the parts that only you and your spouse are privy to, but the outside world may never see. I know people that dress to kill but wear tattered underwear and socks. I also know others that are big on home décor and tidiness, but Lord have mercy should you ever peep into their master bedrooms.

That says a lot about the state of the union. Especially the sex. Just like you are big on changing your wardrobe and switching things up in the sitting room to impress guests, you should invest in bedroom makeovers.

Monotony is boring and the number-one killer of all things good about a marriage, especially the sex. It is challenge enough to jump into bed with the same person every single day, but now add to that slipping between the same bedsheets you put a week ago, the same old mattress, the same creaky bed facing the same direction always, that ka same bedroom… Eh! It may take a saint not to get ideas simply out of boredom.

That sanctuary is where your marital story begins and ends each day. If you can change nettings and curtains in the living room because you don’t want the guests you are expecting to find the same old curtains they found in March, why can’t you similarly have mercy on yourself and your spouse when it comes to the bedroom? Why do you wait for the two pairs of bedsheets you own to become threadbare before you consider buying others?

If you feel so good when you book into a good hotel and leave feeling rejuvenated, why can’t you invest in that atmosphere for your bedroom?

Nope, it is not about money this time; so, don’t start. It is about the feel and smell of fresh bedsheets every day. Wrapping yourself in a fresh towel. Making sure that space is spotless, and not cluttered. Thoughtfully using the colours you both love. These are things you collect over time; it is just that we tend to prioritise the areas visitors are likely to see. Keeping up appearances will be the death of some of us!

It is in our upbringing; but please break the cycle!

How much money is required to change your bed 90 degrees, just so you wake up with that brief disorientation of ‘where am I?’

One wife said she tried that, and her husband angrily pushed the bed back into its original position because in his culture, real men do not sleep while facing the valley. It always has to be uphill. Sigh!

But anyway, there are small hacks, such as choosing soft or coloured bulbs for the bedroom. Especially if you are averse to making love under the glaring light as though it were a hospital operation theatre. Sometimes small tweaks to that sacred space make all the difference. You will sleep better, love better, dream better…

A simple rug thrown over that worn-out patch in the carpeting will be noticed by your spouse and the universe. Just the way smart store owners and restaurateurs have figured out that small tweaks to their décor and brand can attract more customers, do something about your marriage brand.

Can’t Christmas come to our bedrooms? Who said it is a sin to deck your bedroom in festive colours and blinking lights, just for fun? Banange, things are tough; people want vayibuuu any chance they can get it! Stop being a people-pleaser when all you feel once inside your private spaces, is misery.

carol@observer.ug