Sex Talk: What if sex were a marathon?

A Uganda husband suffered a stroke a few years ago, which left him at subpar, but decent performance, when it comes to lovemaking. And he shared, since then, his wife demands for cash payment for sex, that is if it happens at all.

Eh! Now, that is cruel!

Why do we serve others dishes we cannot eat?

“She was not that much enthusiastic about sex before my medical issues and I was used to the begging and haggling for sex, but since the stroke, the haggling now has to include monetary terms!”

At first he argued that he needed to have regular sex to aid his healing and to get his sexual groove back, but that was not a good selling point to a wife who already dreaded his ‘normal groove’.

So, now in addition to paying for a physiotherapist, if he wants any action from his wife, it is on cash-down basis.

“Of course there is no enjoyment from that, especially considering that also my finances are not what they used to be – obviously.

Imagine having to pay your wife for sex, or craving it but you are broke! We men stay silent through a lot of psychological abuse, especially when we have health challenges,” he said. “And this, after I nursed her through her own issues a few years ago.”

Let me ask; if sex were a marathon and at the finish line you all expected medals, would you look back at your race with great satisfaction, regardless your position?

Would you look back and feel you did right by this person you married and they surely must have no complaints? So, why did you marry?

When we were mulling over this case with a friend, she wondered how that husband’s behaviour was when he still had his perfect groove, sexually.

“Maybe he was one of those that took their love all over town and only remembered they were married once they fell sick… because only a scorned wife would treat her husband that way.”

Well, whatever the devil in the details, it says a lot about how little some people rate sex in their marriages. If you have to be paid for it, then I assume you enjoy nothing about it yourself and would care less if it happened or not.

Otherwise, this wife should be relieved that she can still get a smattering of action at all, given the condition some people are left in after a stroke. But nope; this madam is clearly disappointed that her husband can still dare have an erection after a stroke, and she is making him pay dearly for that.

Now, should the physiotherapist do a really good job and this man recovers, how will that marriage move ahead from this?
I need to learn to stop judging the dynamics and toxicity in some marriages. The backstories are not always pleasant to listen to.

For once, I had nothing to tell the poor husband, apart from advising him to go with his wife for marital counselling. What would you tell him?

carol@observer.ug