TAKE ROWS/ARGUMENTS OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
Maybe then, unnecessary fights will cease, altogether, when you run out of private spaces to have them. Purpose to keep your master bedroom sacred and devoid of negative energy, if you want your sex life to improve this coming year.
It is in our grooming to lock ourselves up in the master bedroom before going for each other’s throats, then come out a few minutes later with forced smiles. No wonder every space in your home feels more peaceful than the bedroom!
That bedroom where the pink, polka-dot elephants are supposed to turn up every night with huge grins, is where the most hurtful words and actions are hurled, instead. No wonder, your sex life has lost all its shine; the one space where most of the sex happens is terribly polluted and packed with bad memories.
In the new year, if your spouse starts to bring toxicity into that space, insist that you step outside, first; that is, if you still care about the quality of sex served there.
INITIATE KO…
To the wives especially, try this. You will not die. And it will introduce a new dynamic to your marriage and sex life. It cannot be that the only time lovemaking happens in your marriage is when your spouse wants it and initiates it. And you respond like you are doing him a favour…
Surely there are days when you are so ready and buzzing with sensual energy, but he is not on the same page with you. Take it upon yourself to turn on his switches. You surely know what triggers him in that area.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
Don’t be the criticizer-in-chief in the new year; the one who never sees any good in your spouse. However complicated your situation may be, there must be something your spouse does right. In the new year, focus more on praising and enhancing those traits and stop letting a few negatives rob you of your happiness.
You chose to marry this person, I assume, and there was no duress. One wife in a polygamous marriage said, for example, she loves how, when she is with their husband, she feels like she is the only one in the marriage. He has the unique ability of making each of his many wives feel like they are in a monogamous relationship.
DATE NIGHT, PLEASE!
Couples under-estimate the importance of having a night out, just the two of them. Many couples move from hanging out together every other night during dating and courtship, to him hanging out with his buddies day-in, day-out, as she does the same with her girls, or stays home with the children, once married.
Killing date night is the easiest way to breed resentment in your marriage. Go out occasionally and have fun, just the two of you. Dance, watch a movie, have a romantic meal and discussion, take a road trip to Jinja, anything. The number of people who are married but feel so lonely would shock you, if you cared to ask. In 2023, change that.
BE MORE AFFECTIONATE AND EXPRESSIVE
We can all learn these things. By force. Stop saying, “I am like that…I don’t say ‘I love you’, I don’t hold hands in public, I don’t call unless I have a serious reason” (eye-roll emoji).
That would all be totally alright, if I had not heard stories of spouses from such stony, technical marriages landing ‘accidentally’ in the arms of affectionate, expressive people and getting totally blown away. I don’t condone infidelity, but I am just saying…it happens. A lot.
You can be more loving in 2023; you may not be the ‘I love you’ person, but at least try to leave no doubt in your spouse’s mind about your feelings, from what you do for him/her and how you do it.
carol@observer.ug
Source: The Observer